2 years 10 months and 22 days

I was mentally writing a blog post to update for about 3 months but considering our latest news, I'm scratching that lame update! We have exciting news to share! On October 13th we got the call we've been waiting 35 months for. I will document our day, reactions...etc. more for our own records than for others.

Our caseworker called while the kids and I were at Harlyn's homeschool class. This is our original agency that we began this process with in 2013.  I was expecting her call because she had left a voicemail the day before that I was slow to call her back and never ended up connecting that day. She seemed upbeat on the message but also emphasized that we really needed to talk (usually our correspondence is via email). We had spent August updating paperwork that was expired in preparation of coming off "hold" from having Lawson.  Just before this call we had a little hiccup with a required document that was causing some concern with an expiration that was approaching. We had been in the thick of trying to get this next set of documents out and I had some questions on forms.  I figured she was calling regarding something about that form that was holding up the next step. I stepped out of Harlyn's class, dragging Asher with me along with my thick file with forms in question.  I'm glad I got to an isolated place because what she said next floored me. I answered and our caseworker said "Laura, we have a referral for you--this is your referral call".  I imagined this moment for years now and honestly it didn't play out as beautifully as I thought it would. My first instinct was I felt sick, like really sick to my stomach, shaky, nervous. I was in the middle of a morning of school during my first year homeschooling, my 4 year old playing at my feet, my 8 month old down the hallway. Most likely my kitchen sink at home was full of dirty dishes and we probably left late. You just never know the moment when that call will come! If I thought it'd come when I "had my life together"---that was laughable. We were completely surprised. In August when we had our home study visit with our caseworker I think she tried to hint it could go "very quickly" before we got a referral but couldn't say they were working on one for us until it was official. That hint did tip us off to stop thinking this adoption was way far out time wise though.
Back to the phone call....she asked if I would like the details right then or if I'd like to wait for Troy. Of course, I needed to be with Troy before we'd hear it so we agreed to call her back if Troy could come home for lunch. I don't think my brain could've handled the information at that moment anyway. With the shock and sudden feeling of being unprepared, my mind was whirling. Troy thought I was joking when I told him what the call was about. I reassured him I would NOT joke about that. He was sharing those same feelings of incredulity. So, we had to wait about 3 hours until we were home and together to call our caseworker back. My mind was going crazy thinking about how our life was about to change in one phone call. I had recently been reading in Proverbs and on the drive home, all I could do was repeat Proverbs 3:5-6 over and over "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Troy and I were pinching ourselves although we felt nervous and anxious we kept saying "This is what we've been praying for!".
Our referral was for a sweet GIRL. It was pretty emotional and heavy hearing what they know of her life story. There are a million questions we have and so little information. We do know she was loved by her birth mother and we will forever pray for her and the sacrifice she made. It really hit me-- the loss side of adoption while hearing about her. For her, for her mother, our gain is their loss. So we learned about her and then were emailed all the documents they had in her file along with a picture! She just turned two last week. That moment of seeing that little face was one we'll never forget. We sat the kids down and told them about her and their reaction was priceless. Harlyn and Asher were so excited to hear it was a girl!
We took the next 4 days to pray about it and confirm this was the child to say yes to. Our agency gives us time to accept a referral but families have the option to decline it.
We were so overjoyed but really spent a lot of time in prayer that weekend. Early on we felt peace about it and can only explain that she was the one we've been praying for since we began this process. The following Monday we accepted the referral. Shortly after we received a few more documents along with a more recent picture of her! I thought I had memorized every detail of the last one and now we had one with a child who looked totally different! Hair grew in a few months, she filled out and was smiling! Also, we found out her second birthday was the following day. We had an estimate of age before but now we had an official birthdate to use!
The next day we overnighted the first step of the paperwork needed to get our court date. Every day counts now that we try to get her home. It will bounce back and forth between the U.S. Immigration and Ethiopian Embassy a few times before that court date will be set. We will have to travel to Ethiopia for a court date and to pick her up. The timeframe is uncertain and different for everyone. The average wait is 5-6 months.
Thank you to all our friends and family for praying for us and asking us about the process so often. It means so much to us to see our circle of friends come around us and support us. Her little face will have to power us through the next months until we meet her! It's so fun to finally have a face in mind when we think of her, pray for her and talk about her.
We have just been overwhelmed with thankfulness to the Lord for His faithfulness through all the ups and downs and for allowing us this privilege.

Two Adoption-Related Reasons we are VERY merry this Christmas

We are excited that there is new news to share! Our original agency, AAI, had a great month of referrals in November. So much so, we’ve moved up the list to number 9! We aren’t actually eligible for a referral until August of 2016 because of the biological child we’re expecting but we are last on the wait list. AAI is so optimistic they are even adding families to their wait list. By bringing on new families, AAI is committing to working in Ethiopia for a longer time. This is great reassurance for us considering how shaky things were this past May. We have a picture of our family two Christmases ago in which we were #69 on the wait list. That is a crazy thought how things have changed since then, in more than one way!

The second fun development is that we mailed our second dossier to America World, our new agency, on Monday! It has already been hand delivered to the State Department and is scheduled to be mailed to Ethiopia early January. Having that stack sent out is a great relief. There were so many technicalities we had to comb over or ask people to redo! Thanks to all our friends who helped us with certain documents included!

 (our adoption paperwork files are getting thick!)

 

(Troy was the driving force behind getting this paperwork done this fall)

(Ready to overnight our envelope!)

 

(Yay for mailing day!)

 

 

Four months ago we didn’t know if it would be possible for us to complete an Ethiopian adoption but today we are much more hopeful of it being a reality! We still know there are so many variables that can change but our God is the same. He has been faithful to us in the waiting of the last two years and will continue to be faithful. We trust in Him for the timing and completion of these adoptions.

Merry Christmas from our family to yours!

Announcement and Status

If you’ve seen me lately, you might be questioning the status of our adoption. The reason for those of you who aren’t seeing us regularly is that we are expecting a baby in February! We are so excited for this new addition and anxious for his or her arrival!

That being said, our summer has brought a rollercoaster of adoption news and any given month, our plan may have changed.  We are still passionately pursuing international adoption from Ethiopia, so much so, we have two concurrent adoptions going!  It is too hard to break down that decision but I am pleased we took a few months to make our decision after our current agency, Adoption Associates (AAI), announced their sad news in May.  AAI’s Ethiopia program is still open and they are cautiously optimistic. The future is still very uncertain for their program which is why we decided to continue there, but also start the process with another agency.  Since we have the paperwork done with AAI and fees paid, it doesn’t hurt us to stay on their wait list to see if it will result in a referral.  In addition, as of September 1, we began another adoption from Ethiopia through America World Adoption Agency (we’ll refer to them as AWAA or America World, not to be confused with AAI).  Both agencies have approved us to have two adoptions going at once and AWAA in particular doesn’t let our pregnancy affect our progress in their program. 

How many kids could you be adding to your family you ask? We don’t know! We’re willing to let God work that out as well as the timing of potentially 2 adoptions with biological children mixed in there. AWAA is a large agency and has hundreds of families on their wait list. At the current pace adoptions are being completed in Ethiopia, they estimate the wait time will be 5-7 years. That is why we are starting this process now, knowing it may take that long.

Currently what we’re doing is just kind of sitting with AAI-playing the waiting game (still) and now trying to complete our dossier for AWAA.  We really want to get this paperwork done for AWAA before the end of October which will be tough but keeps us constantly working at it.

We hope that is the least confusing way to explain what’s going on in our adoption world right now!  Thank you so much for your thoughts, inquiries, and prayers for us these last few months. We are sticking with it but realize we have a long road ahead of us. With God all things are possible, that includes our adoption!  J We are putting our trust in Him who knows how He will build our family in the coming years.

New information

We are overdue to update our friends and family on what is happening with our adoption! Here it is!

 In April our Immigration approval came up for renewal. It was two years old! We can’t believe we started this process that long ago! The renewal didn’t require too much, just paperwork and a home study update. During that update we did change some of our criteria. At the rate Ethiopian adoptions are happening we felt we needed to open up our age range a bit. As a result, we are now approved for a child up to 2 years of age (which is actually 2 years 11 months) and are willing to accept a sibling set. (up to 2 children)

In the middle of that update we received very shocking news that has affected our adoption since. Our caseworker informed us that our agency, AAI, was most likely completing their current cases with referrals (=not us) and then exiting work in Ethiopia as quickly as possible. They feel with the current difficulties with adoptions in Ethiopia the problems are insurmountable and cannot sustain their program at the pace it has been operating at. Their hands are tied as well as their representatives. I won’t go into more detail here but if you have questions, feel free to ask! Our agency highly encouraged the waiting families to find another program to adopt through or other plan but they cannot guarantee a referral in the future. The bottom line is AAI feels the future of adoptions in Ethiopia is bleak and our doorway into Ethiopia seems to have a time limit.

Honestly, we were pretty blindsided by this news and emotional about it. Here we thought the long wait would be our challenge! After the shock wore off and we could think clearly about what comes next, we really felt God’s peace.  The time we’ve taken has given us some perspective. We know that God still has a plan even when it seems to have gone awry. Our hearts are still tied to Ethiopia and the estimated 4.6 million orphans in that country alone. We know God will “work for the good of those who love Him” (Romans 8:28) and He is moving is unseen ways.

Verses we have found comfort and encouragement from:

James 1:12 “Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.”

James 1:5 “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.”

Deuteronomy 31:6 “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Isaiah 41:10 “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am you God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Philippians 1:6 “he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion…”

Our agency gave us a June 1^st deadline to decide what we would do-- continue in the Ethiopia program, fully aware of the risks and unlikelihood of referral, withdraw, or transfer to another of their programs. The third option isn’t feasible because for various reasons we don’t qualify for any of their other programs beside domestic. About half of the families on the waiting list removed themselves from the Ethiopia program or transferred elsewhere.

What we decided based on the information we have currently is to buy ourselves a bit more time. Now our deadline is July 31^st to see what happens in the time until then.  We have been encouraged by the number of families travelling this month from our agency and others. The likelihood of us starting with a new agency after July 31^st is pretty high but we just want to be certain that it is the right move for us. You can pray for us as we seek God’s will as we continue forward and for confidence in what we decide.

With all that being said, we are number 17 now.  Thank you, sincerely, for those of you praying for us through this. Please continue and pray for a miracle in Ethiopian adoptions!

<3 The Averys

One year in

This month marks one year on the wait list for us, so that calls for an update! We have moved very few places because there have been almost no referrals since early 2014. There are many reasons for this but mainly the holdup is in Ethiopia. We have known the situation there for a while but honestly it’s been pretty hard to swallow. Our agency sent their founder, head of the program and executive director there in October to talk to key contacts and get a feel for things in Ethiopia. The overall impression is that this slowdown we’ve experienced since earlier in the year is the new pace of things. International adoption is continuing in Ethiopia and the head of the Ministry of Women, Youth and Children’s Affairs (MOWYCA) has stated there is no intent to close international adoptions; however it is a last resort for their children.  Improving the integrity of the process is important and it is good for their children to stay in their culture if possible but the downside is the kids who are waiting without families for so long.  Our agency now estimates our timeline to be 3 years wait time until referral. People have asked us if there is another adoption route we could go and there are, but we are committed to Ethiopia. Ethiopia has really grown in our hearts and we are calling on God to bring this to completion. Our child will be worth the wait!

I looked back at the last blog post and kind of laughed at myself and how positive I was. We, very smugly, thought we’d be super-star adoptive parents and this wait time would fly by with no complaints from us! Very soon after joining the wait list we were drawn into the ups and downs of waiting parents.  An email with good news lifts our spirits, rumors fly about bad news dampen them…..it goes like that each week or month with shifts in the climate of Ethiopian adoptions all the time! That is what we couldn’t have prepared for even when it is a well-known fact that international adoption is unpredictable and really, uncontrollable. The only thing getting us through, reminding us of our calling, is constant conversation with the Lord. We pray for a miracle, for lots of referrals, for His hand working in Ethiopia, movement even when we can’t see it, for patience, the Ethiopian officials, and the birth family….the list goes on. At times we didn’t know what to pray because no movement seemed to be happening. This is when we feel like our dear friends have stepped in on our behalf—in prayer and in encouragement. It is so uplifting to us when people randomly tell us they were thinking of us or ask for updates. A big thank you to all those who are praying for us/our child! We’re convinced we need to “pray this baby home”.  Right now in the waiting period it is all we can do.

We know that God’s timing is perfect but there are days when we are aching for our missing family member. God is using this time to refine us as parents and Christ-followers. God will see this to completion and His faithfulness is unending.  One day, I’m sure we will look back on this period of time and think how minor it was because of the blessing of our child.

On a lighter note, if you ever get the chance to enjoy Ethiopian cuisine, we highly recommend it! On National Adoption Day and the day after our official 1 year on the wait list, we had friends take us to Altu’s. Altu’s is an Ethiopian restaurant near us and it did not disappoint! Our friends navigated the menu for us (having two adopted from Ethiopia, they are the experts!) and we just really enjoyed the flavors. Injera is a spongey sourdough-like bread that we used to pick up the meat and vegetables. We had to do it Ethiopian style, of course, and shared platters and didn’t use utensils. It was a pleasure and wonderful to learn more about our future child’s culture! We will be celebrating there in the future often.

On a final note, we’re number 44!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Ways you can pray for us:

God’s hand on our baby’s situation

Referrals!

Peace with God’s timing of our referral

Regional directors in Ethiopia (signature required on documents)

Latest Happenings

***If you haven’t read the previous blog post, please do! There are still approx. 30 kids still needing sponsors when I last heard.***

This isn’t unexpected that we really don’t have many updates during this waiting period. Our movement hasn’t really changed in a few months which is a bit discouraging but not that all surprising. This is what we knew we were signing up for with international adoption: unpredictable, uncontrollable, can-change-at-any-time. I think we were surprised to see how much of a rollercoaster it really is….getting good news, bad news, awful news, great news….it is changing all the time. Thankfully, the news we are receiving seems to be that the country of Ethiopia is moving in a good direction for their precious kids to improve the integrity of their processes.

Right now we are still at #57 but we are optimistic for the changes that have been happening in Ethiopia. Our hearts go out to the families who have been stuck in the middle of this transition time and have had referrals for way too long but are not getting court dates to travel. Ethiopian officials are aware of those cases that haven’t moved and they are working to resolve them.  We are encouraged by that display of concern for the kids and adoptive families. In other news, effective immediately within Ethiopia orphanages are now required to seek out domestic adoptive families for two months before the child will be considered available for international adoption. This means a child will need to be in the orphanage for a minimum of two months before his/her adoptive paperwork can be generated. This was a bit hard to swallow at first but we realize this is in the best interest of the Ethiopian children and we hope the new way of doing things is a smooth, quick transition.

Even if things don’t pick up and we continue creeping along at this pace, we are confident in God’s sovereignty in this process. Something we have picked up also is that we haven’t met an adoptive family yet who doesn’t truly believe in “God’s timing”. We know there is purpose in the wait and continue to seek what the Lord has for us to learn as parents and individually during this time.  He alone knows the day our child will be brought home and I can trust Him to make the detail fall into place to make it happen. In the meantime, I arm myself with scripture that tells me God’s promises and we know those are certain, true, predictable, and trustworthy.

!!! Attention family, ahem, MOM, grandmas....etc.!!!
Since it is obvious we don't post much and it will probably stay that way until we get a referral/are travelling, you can receive an automatic email when we've posted a new blog post if you sign up on the right sidebar of the full web version. Input your email where there is a box that says "follow by email". Wouldn't want you to miss any exciting news because you aren't checking this daily. :)

For my own records:

Notable things we’ve done in anticipation of our next child:

1- went to a meeting about doing African hair by an adoptive mom/hairstylist by profession- challenged accepted, great tips
2-seminar on attachment disorder by Kurt Ellis-excellent info, highly recommend  

3-introduced to an adoptive family (x2 from Ethiopia) right at our church

Help Wanted

I’ve been hearing from or reading about adoptive parents who say that once you adopt from Ethiopia you will want to do more to help your child’s country of birth.  We also are at a point where we feel like we are doing nothing for our adoption. The solution to both of those was given to us by other adoptive families with our agency: child sponsorship in Ethiopia.  There is an organization called Children’s Hope Chest that has a sponsorship program just outside of Addis Ababa, Ethiopia (where we will travel to). If you join us in sponsoring a child we can make arrangements to go meet them. Yes, you read that right-meet them IN PERSON! How cool is that? We signed up to sponsor a cutie, Abeba.

Troy and I are super excited that we can go meet these kids when we travel! If any of our family or friends wants to sign up, we would love to visit and take pictures of your sponsored child too! Consider this your opportunity to give to us rather than attending a fundraiser! We would love for the rest of the 46 kids to be sponsored who are eligible.  It is only $34. a month ($408 per year). There is a lot more information on the website that gives details of sponsorship…etc. If you’re familiar with Compassion International, it is similar. Check it out at: http://www.hopechest.org/community/burayu/