Sadly, we have to share that the week of December 5 we found out we lost our referral. It took us and our agency by complete surprise and could not have been anticipated. It only happens very rarely that a family would lose a referral but it has happened.
When we first found out it was heartbreaking for us. Very quickly we had adjusted mentally to what was going to be our new family of 6 and all that would change. We had many hopes and dreams for “M” and had hoped she was meant to be in our family. God very firmly closed that door (or should I say slammed) and it is clear to us she was not who He has planned for us. During the week as we digested the news I thought of a quote Troy keeps in front of him at his desk. It is “What do you want now? vs. What do you want most?” I realized what I want now is to be anticipating a little toddler girl, a little sister for Harlyn, celebrate Christmas riding on that joy of the referral, buy some headbands (oops already did!).…you get the picture. What do we want most? What we want most is that God places the perfect child for our family with us, one who is without a family, that we do His will in this process and that He guides it. When I compared the two I realized how shortsighted we can be, how shallow and how much we would miss if we chased after what we want NOW.
There were very few details for us at first, just some facts that were hard to swallow. Not knowing the details probably made us question if it was best for her or if this was some mistake that could possibly/miraculously be undone. 5 days later we received additional information about her circumstance that gave us a complete change in perspective on the situation. It brought us peace, relief and comfort. It was such a blessing to get those details we thought we’d never know and always wonder about. We don’t feel we deserved that but are thankful to our gracious God for supplying a look “behind the scenes” of what He is doing. It’s amazing how one email relieved this burden of sadness, disappointment and loss.
In summary, Harlyn said it best when I overheard her tell someone our news boiled down to, “Sad for us, good for Meskerem” :) Telling Harlyn had to be about the hardest and seeing her cry with genuine sorrow over losing “M” as a little sister was disappointing to her. She still just doesn’t understand why we don’t have direct access to her to “tell her we love her” but I think she understands the big picture. I pray that when God completes this, her faith will grow more than she even shows now and that she will see Him as the never changing, promise-keeping God that He is. His promises are what we’ve relied on and have gotten us through the sad moments and days.
We continue to pray for God’s perfect timing in this and know this was necessary to bring us to the next little Avery. Now we are back on the waiting list just like before we got the referral. Because of this falling through, our immigration approval has since become a concern. Without explaining it, please pray that the U.S. Citizen and Immigration Services will hear us out in expediting our case so that any referral we receive will not be delayed because of our paperwork. We are at the top of the list for another referral and we never know when that call will come.
Thank you for your continued, prayers, concern and inquiries about this process! It sure has been a rollercoaster but we’re hanging on to our Rock, Jesus Christ.