the big ONE--1 year post adoption

I mentally made notes of things to write in a 9 month report but after two months went by I scrapped that plan and just saved it for now when it got so far past the date.  9 months home did fall around Samira's 2nd birthday so hopefully I covered it in some post. Life has been just chock full just doing our simple routines and commitments. We celebrate our "Family Day" on March 1st, the day we left the orphanage with her in custody. We reminsiced a lot about our trip, the first weeks and struggles we had. We laugh at this picture we received on our way to the airport of Miss Grumpy Pants

I still get that look when I give her broccoli to eat

We went to a fun dance and story class on March 1st that she clearly loved and I couldn't get a clear picture because she wouldn't stop moving --that day she also busted out the super cheesy smile
Wow, what a difference a year makes!

On "Family Day" we went out to our favorite local Ethiopian restaurant and shared a meal with some family. We do love the food as well as our kids. Samira knew just what to do ripping off the injera and dipping it in the stews. If it's been a while since we've eaten it I start to crave it. I hope to start learning how to make some dishes in this next year.

you eat a traditional Ethiopian feast with no plates or utensils and share a platter--rip off a piece of injera and help yourself to the stews, sauces and meats with a little pinch

The phrase that kept going through my head as one year approached I took from a kids video we recently watched and it is "Hallelujah, look what God can do!" I hope when people look at our ordinary family, adding in this girl from halfway around the world--I hope they know only God can do that. Looking at Samira's progress and the work in our own hearts....we can only say "Hallelujah, look what God can do!"

Language

Around Christmas Samira's language increased by leaps and bounds. Having a therapist come once a week keeps us tracking progress and she noticed a big difference after Christmas break. Samira babbles nonstop like the rest of the kids and still repeats everything. She speaks in sentences and will point out more and more that she isn't repeating. If she spots something she recognizes she will point it out until I acknowledge it. One of those favorite things are babies! Recently she's said things on her own like "Where are you mommy?", asks for "chap-pip" often (chapstick) or if daddy is home. When looking at a family picture she points out all members of the family and calls Harlyn "Haryin or Ceecee", Asher she calls "Bubba" and Lawson comes out like "Saucin'". She refers to herself as "Mira". She will also yell at Alexa to try to get it to play Baby Shark. Recently we've heard her say about Lawson "he needs to wash his hands" when he was in the bathroom.

Physical Development

Samira is getting stronger every month and is making good progress physically. In one year she's gained around 5 pounds and grown about 5 inches. In the words of her doctor, she may catch Lawson in size soon. She's keeping up with the other kids better and isn't so easily tired. In physical therapy we are still working on those abdominals and now her neck muscles too. She still has a foot rolling in and she's much more unstable on her left leg. We are working on that balance and lifting one leg at a time. Her hair is long and thick and looking back on pictures I can't believe how much it's filled in. I took a picture of her in the bath today and when it is wet it goes down her back. (below)

 She might be our healthiest kid. In 365 days with us she's had one 100.2 fever and you would've never known it. She's never had a cough but has lots of runny noses. We were finally parasite free at 9 months home and that drug on so long because of the two little ones sharing it with each other but it was a great Christmas present to me! If the last medicine we tried didn't work I was going to wonder if we'd ever get rid of it! She started with two teeth when we met her and now has 16 and I think most of them sprouted so quickly once she was home.

Sleep

Samira is still a star sleeper and rarely has any issue in the night or going down. She naps every day except when she thinks she had a nap but it was only 5 minutes in the car. She continues to be amazing on low sleep if she's missed a nap or had a very short one. I think she could never be the first one down because from what I hear, she won't go to sleep until the house is quiet. It's like she doesn't want to miss anything and makes sure the party has died down. She likes sleeping with her blankie and little baby. She'll tuck that little thing down under the blanket with her. She will ask her daddy to rock her before he puts her to bed. Monday through Friday I usually have to wake her up to go pick up Harlyn and she continues to snap awake lightning fast and usually has to say something. For a while she'd take inventory of who was home and who was awake etc. She'll usually croak out a "hi" or "go bye bye" or "Haryin". I feel so bad waking her up but she does always wake up happy even if it wasn't long. She has gotten better waking up happy on her own. Sometimes she even plays around but mostly doesn't even wail any more, just kind of whines. A lot of times she's whining and groaning for "daaaaaaaaddy".

Food

Samira continues to be most excited about the next meal and will run and slide into her highchair lickety split when we say it's ready. She eats oatmeal almost everyday for breakfast still. Her pickiness is lessening I think. She seems to have figured out that she won't get dessert...etc. if she doesn't eat the vegetable so she's less stubborn about not taking a bite. She'll always be hanging around or taking handouts of someone is in the kitchen or cooking. (or grandma or Aunt Meg are around) The holidays were great for her when numerous people unknowingly would share or pass something down to her. Her favorites are meat, spaghetti, yogurt, cheese, fruit, oatmeal and dislikes vegetables other than sweet potato, most forms of potatoes (except French fried), certain noodles, and rice. Lately we are making progress on raw carrots, some green beans and broccoli with out so much coercion as before. She has learned to ask politely we ask her to or it will come out as a grumbly whine.

Attachment

Samira seems to genuinely love us and I say that humbly because sometimes I can't believe she does what I consider is "so easily". I know in the beginning we had to fight for it but what I see in her is a resilient girl who overcame so much to be such a happy personality. In my unprofessional opinion, she is totally at home with us and does not hold back from us. This is no small thing and we praise God for this! On the day our case worker came to see us (first time since our first week home) she got to see Samira run to her daddy when he came in. Our case worker knew what a drastic change this was from our first weeks home. I would say when we both are home Samira almost favors Troy too now. I think she knows he's the relief for me so she goes to him for what she needs like getting down from her high chair or a drink. I would say we have no concerns about this currently. She's an Avery and that's that!

Sibling Relationships

Samira has learned so much from her siblings and we have them to thank for all her progress this year. On the many snow days this winter there would be long chunks of time when I didn't see the kids--they'd just be so busy playing with Harlyn and Asher leading the pack. Most of the time they do play nicely but there are occasional skirmishes usually involving Lawson. I still catch him doing not so nice things to her and I think mostly it's him wanting something she has or him just overpowering her. We are working on that! It's been a tough year on Lawson but now that he's potty trained he thinks he is quite superior in age and skill. Hopefully that will someday translate into protectiveness rather than competition. Samira I think knows Asher is the weak one and tries to command him around like when she wants to be unbuckled or wants something he can give to her. He is the pleaser who will do what she says and think she's cute for wanting him.

Going out

Our 2 year old loves going "bye bye" and is always eager to get her shoes or coat. She still likes to be first in the car or first in the house or she whines or panics. Even though she's woken up almost every weekday to get Harlyn she's always happy to jump in the car for the most part. Samira does great at BSF and church nursery and doesn't cry going in. We may owe them money for snacks because I'm pretty sure she eats her fair share while there.

Playing

The time Samira plays alone or away from us has increased and her interest in toys is getting better. If I am cooking dinner she still likes to be right under foot in the kitchen (usually with loud musical toys). She likes to be near the other kids and probably wouldn't choose to play alone or in a room by herself but she will follow them to the basement all the time. She likes the play kitchen and her tea cart as well as any other things she can push. She likes her babies and really just tries to play whatever the big kids are.

Likes

Dancing, Baby shark, meal time, attention, singing/dancing, shoes, taking off her socks, her little baby (that one specifically), glasses or sunglasses
Favorite songs: baby shark, Holy, Holy, Holy, I put on my glasses, Good Morning God, recently discovered We will rock you--she really has good tune too!

Dislikes

being thrown up in the air, being left behind (slower than the rest), sharing something she considers hers like bags etc, being tilted back (ab workouts)

Samira Turns 2!

On November 9, Samira turned two and we celebrated with a party with our families. Our immediate family tradition is to throw a big 1st birthday party-even though it was her 2nd, it was her first with us so she got a shin dig.

We greet the birthday kid with balloons and singing "happy birthday". Samira had pancakes for breakfast.

 She loves "pretty" things and loves carrying bags and purses around so we had a "Two Fancy" party. It was a fun night and she didn't mind the cupcake or the spotlight AT ALL. She hasn't caught on to opening presents yet but she had plenty of help.

 

Standing on the coffee table amongst her admirers and loving it-in this situation we call her Queen Candace

 

Turning two had us reflecting a lot on how far Samira has come since we met her. We brought home this baby who drank bottles and couldn't walk and now turning two she is a ham who runs around with the other kids acting just as silly. We really see how resilient and strong she is to overcome her world being turned upside down in the last 8 months. Despite all the change she is able to laugh, play, and be affectionate toward us.

 

At two she has probably over 40 words, is very picky with anything healthy, sleeps great, takes 1 nap a day, likes getting her way, loves her "Memaw", favorite book is Snuggle Puppy, copies EVERYTHING, hates ab workouts, loves attention from her family, and very good greeter-saying "hi" and "bye" to people.

 

Just two days before her birthday Samira had a day at the salon and had her hair done. She seemed like quite the big girl and sat so nicely for April, a friend from BSF. April kindly showed me how to do her hair and what products to use! It takes a long time but sure looks good when it's done! Samira was so big sitting in the chair the whole 45 minutes.  (she might sit twice as long as long as she had a sucker)

 

How exciting to see what the next year will hold for Samira, in growth, abilities, speech....many things we probably can't imagine. We are thankful to God for choosing us to be her parents and to get to see Him work in her life.

 

 

 

Name change

As of September 28th, Samira's name is officially changed to Samira Amina Avery! Blame it on paperwork burnout but we were obviously not real prompt on starting the process for that. It did require something to be posted in the paper and an affidavit along with a hearing in front of a judge. Even though we've been going by the name we chose for her, it was technically Semira Troy Avery. Ethiopian tradition gives children their dad's first name as their middle (no surnames) so it's been like that since we've been home and on her passport and other official documents. The court proceedings were very simple but it was one more thing making it more official! Here is a picture of the kids on a bench outside the courtroom followed by our celebratory donuts at Hinkley's.

 

 

I've wanted to do a post all about her name before--I can't remember what I've said before about it but here is the explanation:


Semira was her given name and on some documents was spelled Samira, which we felt was the easier spelling and that most people would guess the spelling with an "a". Her name was given to her by her birth mother which is special to us and will be to Samira someday when she understands that. An older Ethiopian adoptee of whom we asked his opinion told us one time that he thought we should keep the name she was given because it will be the only thing she has left from her country. We took his opinion highly and respected his reasoning. Now that we've been home too we see no matter how much we try to teach her about her culture or expose her to it---it is nothing like growing up there. I can't say we would've kept it the same if it was something hard to say or totally bizarre to Americans that it would cause her problems her whole life but Samira is definitely not that. We felt it was a beautiful name (and have been told that a lot) and easy to say and spell. "Amina" is her birth mother's name and we always do a family name as our kids' middle name so it was fitting to honor her that way. I'm glad her name will be a way to share with her about her birth mom.


When we were travelling to Ethiopia, this was the name we had chosen for her since we'd had 11 months to call her something before travelling. What surprised us and momentarily threw us off was the strong opinion of Ethiopian nationals there that urged us to change her name. We thought it was a way to honor her country and birth mother and here they were passionately wanting us to change it. Her name is of Muslim background and that may have something to do with the distaste that we picked up. We pray God will redeem her name for His kingdom and maybe even use it for good among that group of people. If one day when she returns to Ethiopia and she does not want to associate with her Muslim Ethiopian name we figure she can introduce herself as her nickname, Sami. Around home she's called other names such as Sami, Mira, Sam, Samurai, Samsonite...

When we first knew her name one of the first things we looked up was what it meant. When we read it was "fulfilled".  At a time when adoptions were closing in Ethiopia, this was comforting to read. We knew God's plan would be fulfilled in this girl being added to our family--and we are still learning all that He had planned for us in choosing her. "Fulfilled" is the African meaning but there is a Hebrew meaning "from Heaven". Samira is certainly our little dream fulfilled from (heaven) God. Spelled Samira some sites do list the meaning as "entertaining" or "pleasant company". If you were to see her in her most relaxed, silly state-this would make you smile like it does me. I often watch her around our family table each night and see the entertainer in her come out. She loves nothing more than to be the center of attention, especially getting laughs out of us. Amina is also of Muslim origin meaning "trustful, honest", I've even read "safe" some places. What a meaning to live up to! We hope we can foster all those qualities in her!

Six months Post Adoption

Being a family of 6 is finally sinking in and we are settling in. I've been asked lots of interesting questions just while grocery shopping--if I run a daycare (what daycare provider would take all the kids shopping??!!), if I just wanted a girl so adopted one after 2 boys, and lots of observations that look like I have my hands full. My response is usually that I sleep well at night--they do wear me out!

the A team at Tahquamenon Falls this summer

Looking back we don’t recognize the baby we came home with because we have a full blown toddler now. Writing our 6 month update for Ethiopia brought much to mind to praise God for and all the progress we’ve seen in Samira and our family adjustment. There is much we have learned and continue to learn through this process about ourselves, God and His love for us.

As we reminisced this weekend about that day, 6 months ago that we walked out of her orphanage with her, it just brings back so many emotions. That day was one of the hardest while in Ethiopia. As we sat at dinner Sept. 1^st and Samira happily ate in her high chair and then went to bed in her own room like it was nothing---that was all a miracle from half a year before. I remember our first day at dinner having to feed Samira what little she ate while holding her and standing, being unable to get her to drink a bottle, and being so nervous about how to get her to sleep at night. Phew we are so glad to have made so much progress since then!

This age has brought out more fun in her and lots of personality. She is a spicy one! Some sweet but a lot of spice!

Language

Samira has a lot to say lately and is very earnest about getting in our face and telling us—we just have no idea what she’s saying. She will babble something very seriously and looks at us like she fully expects us to understand but we don’t. She really understands us well and can follow commands like “Put your shoes in the basket” or “How do you ask politely?”. She will repeat almost anything especially if she is getting all the attention but sometimes it sounds nothing like what we are saying, just the same number of syllables. She doesn’t usually say more than 2 words together at a time but a few weeks ago she said a whole sentence—“Where did Daddy go?”. That definitely warmed Troy’s heart and shows just how far they’ve come in the last 6 months. Some new words she says are “Thank you”, “Aunt Meg”, “more”, and “milk”. She does a little rhyme thing to people (learned from Grandma A) or her babies—sounds nothing like it but you can tell by the motions and pitch of her voice what she’s doing. She is a passionate “bye-bye” yeller and really goes nuts waving goodbye to her daddy and also hello when he comes home. We think she’d make a great greeter.

Physical Development

Samira is growing like a weed and it shows in her height and weight (and HAIR!). I don’t have numbers but we were measuring Asher on our growth chart and saw how many inches she’s grown since March and it was hard to believe.  Her muscles are getting stronger too but she continues to have some weak areas that we still work at with her physical therapist. In addition to her support vest she has to wear daily she added braces for her feet to her accessories.  Her hair is noticeably longer and thicker even in the last month and I can now put pigtails in it! I also have to learn to do a little more maintenance on it than before too! Flies, grass, food and Velcro are not her hair’s friends but the humidity sure is.  Luckily her curls are super soft and easier to care for than coarser hair. We are hopeful that her little gift she brought home from Ethiopia and shared is now finally out of our house and taken care of.  Parasites haven’t been so easy to get rid of and it’s good to know she is finally free of them. Luckily she never had ill side effects that bothered her.  There was an eye roll thing she used to do a lot especially in front of new people that she almost never does now. I notice it only if I’m rocking her and looking down at her—the intense eye contact still seems to be too much sometimes. In August finally we have gotten rid of her constant runny nose! She has had that literally since March and we were told this would be normal as she’s introduced to all these new germs, like a kid going to daycare. Luckily she hasn’t had any ear infections or fevers since she’s been home, so for that we are thankful.

Sleep

We have a good sleeper in Samira—she goes down without a fight almost always and likes to sleep in if she gets the chance. She is really fond of her blankie, or she just doesn’t want anyone else to play with it. She takes one nap a day, usually at least 2 hours. If she wakes up early it doesn’t matter how short her nap was, she will not sleep again. Even if she only had a cat nap, she can handle little sleep really well. If she’s having fun, you’d never know—it comes out in easy tears. Even though she goes to sleep without a fuss, waking up is another story. Waking up unhappy is one bad habit we think all the babies did at the orphanage (at least we were told) –in their defense I think they were all short on sleep but now she likes to wake up with a pretty crabby-sounds like-I’m-not-ready-to-be-awake cry. I try to be upbeat and smiling when I come in to nix her mood. Now I ask her if she’s happy before I get her up and she’ll say “Happy”. She’s getting a little better at not crying every time she wakes up. Lately her new thing is to get her legs stuck in between her crib rails—it seems like she does it on purpose and won’t do anything to get them out. When she falls asleep we often find a foot or leg hanging outside. She’s always seemed to like having limbs hanging out of her crib and that might have been from having a crib-mate right next to her at her orphanage.

Food

The last few months she became very picky and would refuse t o take a bite of many many things. After putting up with it for a while, I quit and started making her try a bite of the food she rejected. Most of the time she will eat it too---I don’t know if she learned she’s not winning that game or most of the time she actually likes the food. I’ve learned to give her food in courses, beginning with the healthiest thing I want her to eat (veggies) then get to the things I know she’ll eat,(meat) down to the easy stuff (breads, cheese, fruit). I have to do that otherwise the second she sees the fruit for example she will drop whatever she’s currently eating and refuse to eat anymore of that. She can pound oatmeal, now loves berries and meats. She is working on eating with a spoon—it’s not always pretty but she’s getting the hang of it. I have her practice on her oatmeal and let me tell you—she can fit a lot in one bite—she can unhinge that jaw and get a mega size spoonful in all at once. Sometimes it’s easier to just spoon feed her all her meals for time’s sake, and she prefers it, but I try to let her figure it out/teach her because it seems really hard for her.  Food is something that we wonder how deep seated some of her habits can be from her year without us. If there is food out she can hardly concentrate on anything else/comes running if she hears a wrapper/cupboard/fridge open.  She’s fine if we are out of the kitchen but if food is around, she’ll be begging for it. You don’t have to call her twice for dinner-she will be right there by her highchair wanting to get up while I’m still cooking. She is still very protective of her food also—don’t you dare try to help her hold that _____ or grab her bag to open it---she gets super mad. Something we need to work on is teaching her not to eat any and everything she may find—whether it’s someone else’s, on the floor, old….etc. it will be an issue in public places for sure when she tries to eat any crumb she finds, no matter where she finds it!

Attachment

Looking back over the summer we see Samira really blossoming in our family. There were many times Troy and I would exchange worries about her not being happy here. In a way it’s true and to be expected---yanking her from her trusted caregivers and putting her in a family that were strangers. The growth we’ve seen in her these past couple months revealing her personality to us shows us a lot and now we can look at her and honestly believe she is happy here with us. I think she’s comfortable and confident and we see more and more of her silly self. She loves being the center of attention and will do absolutely anything Lawson does. We had a family vacation recently that left me feeling happy/excited with the way we bonded as a family over that week---nothing specific happened, just a lot of quality time (and of course having Troy with us all week was a big difference). Samira is much more affectionate than she used to be which to me shows her comfort around us. She freely cuddles, hugs and kisses almost always when we ask her to or if she needs it after an injury. Thankfully she seems less eager to go to complete strangers who are female and older—in our view this is good that she’s establishing who is known to her and who isn’t (even if they are in her trusted demographic)

Sibling Relationships

Her siblings have taught her so much and if there is anything we want her to do (like a therapy exercise), we just have a big one do it and just like that, she will do it. In a way I think it’s competitive with Lawson—she will NOT be outdone by him but also I pray someday she will look up to him. As much as they get at each other, you can tell she loves having all of them around.  One day this summer Lawson was running a fever and I tried to contain him on the couch and I noticed she didn’t leave the radius around the couch all day. She really follows them around everywhere inside and out. Recently I do notice her pushing or hitting Lawson which may not be her fault considering she gets her fair share of whomps and shoves but it also is unprovoked and seems not aggressive either.  Just something I want to note how it changes over time with their relationship.

silly sisters

Going out

The steep adjustment period I think is finally settled and I am getting used to what it takes to go places. Samira loves getting in the car and going away. She even goes to nursery at church and does fine there. (they have snacks after all!) She only doesn’t love drop off (if it’s me) and not being picked up first (seeing other kids leave).

Playing

Samira has the talent of imitation---oh my-- she will copy anything. While typing I look over and she is scratching her fingers on a book just like me, she will pick up anything rectangle shaped and put it to her ear like a phone. Even when I wash the floor, she will get down on hands and knees and act like she’s wiping things. It is like I have my own little shadow. Sometimes it’s good when we want her to do things---other times when it’s copying Lawson, it is not good. We use it to our advantage with her exercises or things the therapist wants her to do. Reading books is getting a little better but it rarely feels like she’s even listening to the story—it’s more to sit there and turn pages but she does have a longer “sit” in her than before. I’m now trying to read repetitive books or repeat the same few books to hopefully help with her vocabulary since she is such a repeater. She can now play sometimes by herself not in the same room as me for a few minutes and especially if the other kids are with her.

 

Likes/Dislikes

Samira loves people, grandmas, females in particular, very comfortable with our extended family she sees regularly,  her blankie, walking around with food/holding her own bag/cup, following her siblings around, any time it is time to eat, acting silly, dancing, going “bye bye”, baths and water, stroller rides…she’s pretty fun!  

She really dislikes being either last, or left out—for instance getting out of her carseat last or high chair or others going outside before her.  She’s got a serious fear of missing out especially if we are out of sight. She’s not a fan of food being taken from her.

*There is still a head scratching thing that she does we don’t know always how to handle—it’s this inability to help herself sometimes when she breaks down. It can be when she’s tired but not necessarily. She might want something, not get it and have a meltdown but it may be in reach or we may be right there holding out our arms and she will not move an inch toward what she wants. There are many varied circumstances that this happens in but a behavior we’ve noticed.

**We recently talked about how much better she is doing with not crying/wailing about everything. I remember sometime this spring saying "I just need her to give me a 10 second grace period!" She'd erupt into tears at anything and everything not getting what she wanted or me not getting something fast enough...you name it--there were a lot of tears. Now she does still cry for a lot of ridiculous reasons but it is far less and I feel not as instantaneous. She does have a hard time reigning it in if she doesn't get her way but it will go off as quickly as it goes on when she's distracted or gets what she wants. 

our Ethiopian bathin' beauty

3 months progress report {delayed}

Three months in and it’s kind of felt like forever ago we were in Ethiopia but also that it’s been the blink of an eye. More and more Troy and I look at each other and exclaim how we picked up a baby in Ethiopia and now we have a full blown toddler. She's growing and learning fast!

 

 

 

Language

This is really starting to change and many have commented on how they can tell she understands a lot. For instance if she’s jumping on a couch or bed and you say “sit down” she will and then proceed to cry because she does not like that you told her that. {hello toddler phase} Some words she says are “up, get out, pees (please), nana, bepa (grandpa), bema (grandma), row row (start of row row row your boat), baby, all done, Bubba, mommy, dada and thank you” She can make noises like “wheee-oo and mooo”. She is a little mimic so she will do about anything everyone else in the family is doing.

 

Physical development

Samira is making strides in her physical development that her therapist seems to be pleased with. She will try a quick little run and her belly clearly has more muscle. She can pull herself up much better when we are working with her and you can feel some of her muscle in her stomach. Her belly size seems to be smaller too. Looking back on pictures her hair has definitely grown longer and thicker since ET. She likes to climb, jump and copy whatever we do. She has 10 teeth and finally popped another molar on top that had an abruptive cyst on it as it came through. We are still working out some pesky things with her pediatrician that has resulted in lots of trips to appointments/labs.

 

Sleep

This is something we’re doing super well with and had a big change this month—she now sleeps in her own room! We redid the nursery and once new carpet was laid we moved her crib out of our room and the transition was perfect. She seemed right at home and didn’t make a peep. She goes to bed around 8 and usually takes a while to fall asleep but lays there quietly with her blankie and baby. Once we didn’t have to drop Harlyn off at school some days she sleeps in crazy late—one time 11, sometimes until 9 if she’s undisturbed. She takes one good nap midday and is usually out really fast. She will sleep anywhere from 1.5-3 hours typically.

 

Food

Some new foods she likes are sweet potatoes, melon, oatmeal and strawberries. This sounds dumb that we didn’t notice this but around 2-3 months we realized she didn’t know how to use her silverware we were giving her. (there is plenty of hub bub at each meal—somehow this escaped our notice!) We’ve been teaching her that and she’s picking it up. A lot of things we notice this month I think were just lack of experience. For instance we are pretty sure if she wasn’t drinking a bottle or holding a cracker/chunk of bread, the nannys spoon fed her every meal. She was never allowed to grab the spoon I’m pretty sure and certainly was never given a plate of all cut up food in front of her. Once we taught her to put spoon to mouth then it’s a battle to get her to let us help her since not much actually makes it in! Yes, her opinions sure do come out! I think she’s really afraid that we are taking the spoon from her. She loves to carry around her own container or bag of snacks—don’t you dare try to take that from her or it will be a meltdown! As far as highchair behaviors we are working on stopping the throwing things off the tray intentionally and she gets it. She knows to ask politely and say amen (with sign) after we pray. When she wants to get down she says “all done” and knows she needs her hands wiped. She is not a fan of being left alone at the table while eating---one very big plus to siblings---there is usually someone around!

 

Attachment

We don’t have any big concerns in this area—she’s really increased her affection in the last month and will give a hug or kiss if you ask her for it. That reciprocal affection seems to be happening way more. She will come to me when she has had an injury and cuddle up. When I pick her up and hold her like a baby she says “baby” with a grin. Below in the 'going out' category I talk about nursery or any separations for that matter she seems to be genuinely happy to us when we get back. (well except for grandma--she's a pretty big fan of her) Samira loves her daddy and their relationship has dramatically improved in 3 months. When he drives up or comes in the door she will holler and run to him and be so excited (often more than the other kids and one of his favorite things after work). One evening he was going to the backyard and she clearly wanted to go with him but he was standing in the grass and said "Okay, then come here". (she HATED grass since being home) She was barefoot and danced around on the cement wanting him to come to her but he didn't and after a bit she did these hilarious high steps to get to him. So, that night we knew she was kinda crazy about him to conquer her hatred of grass to get to him.

 

 

 

Sibling Relationships

Samira is blessed with siblings that keep her busy, entertained and always helping. Harlyn and Asher are big helps but can also be pesky to her along with Lawson. Overall her and Lawson are much improved and get a kick out of each other. Sometimes they have squabbles over toys and food of course but other times she cracks up at his antics. She will copy about anything they do and likes to do things right by them. If it weren't for them or if they're gone, she'd be at my feet constantly. They probably teach her most of what she's learned!

 

 

 

Going out

Samira enjoys going out and knows the drill with the carseat, etc. She never wants to be left behind so will follow us anytime we go outside and likes to be first in the car. She’s pretty good shopping and doing errands. Church is good but she doesn’t have much sit in her and we’ve started putting her in nursery! She doesn’t like me handing her over but is easily distracted and happy. A place with toys and snacks?? Sign her up. She loves anyone who has gray/white hair in nursery and I see her clinging to them happily. She is happy to see me come back and I’m happy to hear a full sermon. We do still see her thriving at home and have enjoyed entertaining under our roof where she seems to stay more relaxed. Nothing is extreme but there is still increased neediness/clinginess at unfamiliar places. It’s just not as easy carrying a conversation when you have someone demanding your attention so it’s been great to invite people to come to us and enjoyable for all. We did a weekend up north just with grandparents at their cottage and she did well in a new setting with fewer people. She had her first time at Lake Michigan last week and loved the sand and water--I think she enjoyed walking in the water with the gradual decline.

Playing

This little girl will follow around her siblings anywhere…she’s like a little duckling. She has increased the time she will get caught up playing with things and will definitely get occupied, always in the same room as the big kids. She loves going outside, playing with water and we even tried finger painting for the first time. She copies everything, even your hand position while you talk or rest. In many ways I think her personality is coming out more or she’s letting her guard down now. She used to be stoic if we tried to chase her or tickle her—now she does think it’s funny and will want to do it over and over. She actually won’t run away from me, she’ll run right at me when I’m trying to chase her. She loves the pool/swimming and especially the little kiddie pool.

2 Months Home Update

We are just past 2 months home and are hopefully past the steepest adjustment! This month showed lots of progress and Samira is clearly getting more comfortable at home. I’m privileged to be a stay at home mom who can keep a routine M-F quite consistent. Harlyn being at school keeps us pretty on schedule with drop off and pick up to work around. Samira’s pediatrician referred us to some early childhood development specialists and she scored low enough to qualify for their services. Most of her development was falling around the 12 month mark. It will be nice to have therapists help us work with her and it’s super nice that they come to our house too! Their evaluation is very helpful for us in identifying areas she is behind on. We've had to not look at all the progress to go yet but look back and how much progress she's already made. When we do look at where we were at a month or two ago, we see how much we've already worked past.

 

Language

We haven’t changed much in this in the last month but we know she understands a lot of what we say –especially “no”  (and doesn’t like it!) She says some words but they are more universal—like “nana” (not just for bananas but all snacks she wants) “dada” (many different people) She can mimic sounds so a lot of things she might repeat that sound like “all done” “thank you” and we are working on “up”. She is very good at signing please, all done, more and we continue to work on thank you. She can also say “baby” it sounds like. English is her second language, but her speech is about at a 7-8 month old level.

 

Physical Development

This month she started walking!! It was certainly fun and exciting to get to witness this milestone and be a part of it. Just as we suspected she seemed like she knew how to do it, just was refusing to. Once she had a bigger audience (grandma and grandpa) she liked the response when she took some steps and then proceeded to do it over and over! Just like that, it was almost overnight that she went from crawling to walking. She likes to climb up on things now if she can like a bed or small table. This is one big developmental thing a physical therapist is coming for—to work on her weak muscle tone in her abs and legs. Visibly her hair is growing in her bare spots and she sprouted teeth so fast. When we took custody she had 4 teeth, two of which were hardly through the skin and now she has 8. We are still working with her pediatrician to get some things figured out and possibly diagnosed. I waited until this month to take her in when she was more comfortable with us but it just takes time to get all the appointments and tests done.

 

Sleep

She continues to mostly sleep through the night about 11 hours in a crib in our room. Sometimes she clunks right out and sometimes she takes an hour to go to sleep—we aren’t sure what affects that. More and more we are able to sneak out of the room while she is falling asleep so we don’t have to be in there until she is asleep. She now naps 1x during the day going down between 11-12 and then up before 3 when we have to get Harlyn. Doing only one nap has really helped me have a chunk of time in the day with both her and Lawson sleeping at the same time.

 

Food

Toddler pickiness is setting in and we have some typical issues with rejecting lots of foods (typically the healthier ones!) She likes a lot of fruits (bananas still every day) and this month seems to really like protein more—she’ll eat meat pretty well. She still loves her eggs and bananas for breakfast most mornings but now likes cereal a lot too. She still is like a magnet to any open cupboards or baggies with food and you can’t rustle a wrapper without her demanding some too. I think she would eat all day long if we let her. Food is one of the things she is very possessive and emotional about too—don’t you dare take a bag of snack or food from her—or risk the wrath.

 

smoothies require eating outside and no clothes

 

Attachment

This is something we kind of shrug at when people ask us because we are not experts and haven’t done this before. She definitely is attached to me and prefers me if I’m an option. (with the exception of grandma probably) We still haven’t tried real separation from both of us but we are hoping to working toward that sometime in the month of May. I think she’ll be find especially with a grandma and siblings around so we will start very gradual. I was recently reading an attachment book and was encouraged by the checklists they gave for how she responds to us—I think she is doing very well. I think a lot of this is still getting to know eachother through and through. She’s made slow but steady progress with Troy—one big moment happened this week that was pretty exciting—she hates grass and refuses to go on it willingly (even if you’re right by the edge.) She will stand at the edge and will wail for you to come get her or will freak out if she falls in it. One evening Troy was going down the hill and she clearly wanted to go with him and he stopped and said “Okay, come to me” She pranced around a little bit, we thought she’d never do it but surprise surprise she took these hilarious high stepping steps to get to him. We were pretty proud of her and I think Troy’s heart was warmed that she overcame her grass aversions to get to him! We are finding she never likes to be passed from me to Troy or to have Troy take her from me (unless that’s to ride on the tractor with him) but she will be fine with him picking her up if she’s down. It's easier for her to be okay with him if I am not an option too (either gone or outside the house)--so that at least gives me a break to go for a run or walk after Troy gets home.

 

Sibling Relationships

Harlyn and Asher continue to be good older siblings to Samira and Lawson is coming along. His and Samira’s relationship is getting a little less rocky. They still need a lot of supervision I think more due to age and need than because of Lawson being knocked out of his place as baby. He seems to be trying his antics less frequently that push her buttons. She does know how to sound the alarm when he does something she doesn’t like--- like hanging around her food or highchair. We’ve noticed lately she seems to have chosen a favorite sibling who she goes to willingly—he is home with her all day, always compassionate and sympathetic, always kissing her and never takes her food or hurts her.  You can guess which brother that may be. This past week Lawson and Samira had a fun moment that gives us hope they'll continue to adjust to eachother--she learned how to splash in the bath and he would do it with her and they were both giggling side by side.

Sandy bringing competitive siblings together for fun

 

Going Out

She is definitely most comfortable and independent at home from what I’ve noticed. When we go out we notice increased clinginess and neediness which shows home is her safe space (a good thing) and we have to continue to restrain some of our activities and outings. It is more intimate settings that she seems to be more needy yet in larger settings with lots of people, noise and chaos she toddles around freely enjoying herself. (Harlyn’s school activity just this week as an example) We've been able to do some fun stuff and activities this month though and they've all went pretty well even with travelling. She isn't fond of being in the carseat for long trips and will verbally let us know that :)

 

first visit to Uncle Shaun's CFA

 

 

Playing

She still doesn’t get wrapped up in toys but is starting to show interest in stacking bowls and picking up things and putting them in a container (my only one who does that for fun!) There is one toy she will stop to play with and that’s a little hammer that hits balls through a maze. She likes going outside and going on the trampoline. She loves to be in the bathtub now and play in cupboards. Dance parties with music cranked is a favorite activity with her big siblings.

 

Likes: baths, food and snacks, tickling, copying the big sibs, tractor rides, elderly women, smoothies

 

Dislikes: grass, not getting her way, having a bag of snacks taken away/not allowed to hold it herself

grandma and grandpa visit!

 

 

 

 

1 Month Post Adoption

To keep track of progress, set backs, accomplishments and struggles I’m starting to document monthly how things are going post adoption. Once again, this is more for us rather than for others-so it's crazy detailed but I know I'll enjoy looking back on it a year from now.

 

We could not have survived the first month without the help of dear sisters and my mom along with our church family praying for us and bringing us meals! It has taken so much of that planning, shopping, prepping and clean up time and put it in these weeks so we can focus on just being together as a family.

 

Month 1: 4/1/18

 

It was surreal and very anticlimactic how we gave the orphanage the adoption decree and walked out the gates with Samira. It reminded me of when you leave a hospital with a tiny new baby and are flabbergasted by the fact we are in charge of keeping this helpless thing alive. Just like that, we walked out the gates and into our new life with four kids! Here we are literally about the leave those gates--luckily we kept her awake long enough to say goodbyes and we stopped in the church on the grounds on our way out and just as we were praying for her to have peace, she clunked out. So, she missed the exit but was able to say her goodbyes.

 

 

One month in and there is always a dirty diaper (one of these kids has to be potty trained!!—and I’m the world’s biggest procrastinator for that job) and someone is always touching me—so much touching and grabbing. I think we haven’t had 4/4 crying at the same time but we have had 3 of 4 all at once. If you sat near us in church you can see we are feeling outnumbered!

 

Language: Samira mostly heard Amharic in the orphanage but did have some exposure to English by the nuns who ran her orphanage. Sister Carmella spoke very good English while we were around and with English speaking visitors, I wouldn’t expect much otherwise though. Her nannies said she hadn’t said any first words. Now she says Hi, Mama, Dada, Bubba (Asher claims) and all done--so words are coming slow but she has been signing. We taught her more, please, all done and Amen right away and she picked it up super fast—maybe in less than a week? It was so helpful to eliminate a lot of grunting, whining and legs kicking. All her communication was new to us—so at first we were just trying to learn her needs let alone help her communicate them. She will babble a lot and especially when she’s waving bye bye at the door while someone drives away or the kids are outside—she will kind of go bonkers yelling things. Dinner times can get crazy too—it seems like she tries to keep up with the big kids’ noise level—it gets loud around the table!

 

Physical Development: We haven’t been to the pediatrician yet so we only know her measurements before we left Ethiopia. Our first few days we didn’t even know she could crawl or stand up but when we’d put her in her comfortable environment with her buddies and nannies –she could! She would crawl and walk along the wall or stand holding onto something. She didn’t seem to know she could walk along furniture like around a coffee table or couch when we got home. When we got home she did hardly touch her feet to the ground so maybe that was some of it! Now she is crawling even from room to room. At first we thought maybe she didn’t have the stamina for much crawling because she’d go a little way and then just collapse on her belly and cry. It definitely seemed like certain muscle groups were really weak. (abs, arms, legs) She’s learned to climb and loves to go up and down a step or stool. Now that she learned she can walk holding our hands she loves to do it. Something that was new when we got home was this eye roll thing-or looking up so all we see is the whites of her eyes. We can't figure it out if it may be a bashful thing (people looking at her/giving her attention) or just averting from the eye contact but it does seem to happen around new people and also while we pray. (hoping that's an eye closing thing she thinks she's doing not an eye roll!)

 

Sleeping: Praise the Lord she is sleeping through the night!! This has been amazing since we were pretty strung out not sleeping for weeks and dealing with jet lag. She seemed to adjust well to the time change but regressed a lot from her sleeping patterns in Ethiopia. Bedtime is usually at 8 and she generally sleeps past 7. She likes to nap two times a day if it’s possible-usually a mid morning nap and a later afternoon one. If I can hold her off sometimes we do one nap midday. She does sleep with blankets now although at first she didn’t seem to like them and would get all twisted up and mad. Her nannies said she would throw any blankets off. Now to get to sleep she will pretty much lay down and play around until she falls asleep as long as I’m in the room. Sound, light and noise doesn’t seem to bother her so I fold laundry, clean up or get ready in our bathroom while she falls asleep. If she stands up or whines I’m now able to shush her or say “night night” or just pat/rub her back without having to pick her up and she seems to know and lays back down. What she can’t fall asleep to is Lawson running in and out of the room slamming the door (a problem to tackle another month) I’m really happy that she feels content enough to fall asleep just knowing I am around and not needing to be held or rocked to sleep every time. The ergo also works like a charm to get her to sleep if she isn’t having the crib—and on my back too!

 

Food: She is a good eater and a big one if she likes the food. She was well fed at the orphanage and we think maybe used to being fed all day long! Now we pack up food and put it out of sight after a meal so she doesn’t see it—because if she does, she thinks she needs it. Signing has helped with meal times-signing more, please and all done. Her favorite thing is carbs-pasta, rice, bread etc. She didn’t have much, if any dairy or sugar in her diet before. Turns out she likes those though! Her favorites are scrambled eggs and bananas-she eats them daily. She can out eat Lawson and Asher on most meals. If she is eating something happily and something better comes along she will drop that so fast and beg for the new thing. It was suggested that we don’t let her go to sleep drinking a bottle and she used it mostly as a pacifier anyway so we’ve mostly eliminated bottles. She eats good meals so doesn’t need the extra nutrition from it and has started drinking cows milk. We found a sippy cup she likes to drink from to transition from the bottle. The first two weeks we gave her a warm bottle every night and morning. She sits in a highchair to eat which is big progress too! The first few days we had to hold her while eating and even standing up. Gradually we were able to sit down while eating and then eventually put her in a highchair. It’s nice she can munch sitting in there and be in the middle of all the activity especially in the morning we can have her in the kitchen while everyone else is eating, making lunches and getting ready. Beside munching on a chunk of bread or cracker it doesn’t seem like she knew how to feed herself. She still doesn’t really pick cut up food up off her plate to eat-either we have to feed her or put in on the fork for her, then she will eat it. She started out a very neat eater-would wipe her mouth with her bib or puts any extra food hanging out of her mouth in it but I think since I give her free reign of the food on her plate or tray that has made things messy! She doesn't put too much in her mouth and will wait until she's fully done with a bite before being ready for the next one.

 

Attachment: Mom is her favorite person and we seem to being doing fine with this—she always needs to know where I am in the house and I can’t leave the room without her having a meltdown. This has made progress every week though and things are getting better. I wear her a lot in the ergo and she falls asleep on the back in it a lot if it’s nap time. Troy has to work harder at it but she loves playing with him and they do fine if I’m not an option (gone or out of the house) I take those breaks gratefully for them to work on their bonding! We are still the only people who have held her but we just need more history with her to prove we aren’t going anywhere. We will continue to solely meet her needs so she learns we are her parents she can rely on. She is way more touchy feely than at first. If we’d reach out to touch or stroke her hand at first she’d pull it away from you. We also couldn’t hold her facing out at first. Now she will voluntarily touch us while we play on the floor with her. Now she actually wants to constantly be touching me if I’m in reach!

 

Sibling relationships: Lawson and her struggle to get along and I can’t turn my back on them. He is having a tough adjustment to sharing attention of mommy and having to wait to have needs met. (both of them really) He also can’t seem to control his actions and does things to her that doesn’t help her love him so much. He can be sweet and rub her head or say hi and be interested in her but when it comes to sharing mommy they have issues. There is some jealousy there when I hold one so sometimes I have to hold both.  Harlyn and Asher on the other hand have been dream older siblings—they seem to know to take it slow. Harlyn is so eager to do everything with and for Samira we’ve had to restrain her some. Asher is very sweet and is increasingly doing more with her. She definitely has responded well to them and is fond of them. She thinks they are pretty funny sometimes and tries to do her share to be as loud as them!

Seeing the big sibs with Troy has probably also helped their relationship—seeing them go crazy about him has helped her want to get in on the fun too.

 

Going out: She seems to thrive on lots of activity, noise and people or at least it doesn’t phase her. Whether that’s because her orphanage environment got her used to that or that’s her personality—we don’t know that yet. We’ve done a few grocery trips and outings to church and such and she’s done really well. She panics anytime anyone else is getting out of the car and she hasn’t been unstrapped yet but she is adjusting to the carseat better than I expected too. She is probably more upset about not being held more than anything. The big kids in the back are good entertainment though. This Easter weekend was her first trip to the grandma's houses and meeting extended family.

 

Playing: At first she didn’t know how to play with toys and didn’t really do anything with them. She’d be occupied more with a tassel on my purse or a cup or something while travelling more than anything. Now she will play with them and even play down on the ground, crawl around and go to other things too. She plays with magnet toys on the fridge while I’m in the kitchen and likes this push cart we have. Lawson and her do have fun with that—one rides and the other pushes. She started walking more with the cart to push too!  She knows peek a boo and now will pile on daddy with the other kids too. I’m sure she is soaking up loads from just watching the other kids play. She does like to be outside but it is tough being chilly yet and her not walking.